Yesterday
was unforgetable.
Yesterday
was brilliant.
Yesterday
I found the answer.
Yesterday
was special.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
What a Headache!
I have always found Dina Zaman's articles in The Star very close to my heart. She writes with an ease that fits so nicely into what I have experienced or thought how things should be. Kudos to her for having the guts to just plainly put things in the right place, for at least some of us. Her article this time is just as resounding as many before.
With Valentine’s Day just round the corner, a single woman contemplates the path of romance in Malaysia. Comment by DINA ZAMAN
A FAMILY friend called me a few months ago, to say that she had found the perfect husband for yours truly. He was 55 years old, single and looking to marry, and wanting to make Malaysia his home. He was toying with the idea of opening a carpet shop or restaurant in the city. He was Syrian.
I could only blink at the audacity of the idea. Not only would I have to reconcile myself with a potential husband with a dependency on Viagra, immigration and PR woes, and face a life smoking a hookah pipe, he could well turn out to be a terrorist, too!
Racial profiling notwithstanding, this was one romance doomed before it began.
“What is your problem?” she asked. “Asalkan dia Islam.”
As long as he’s a Muslim. Welcome to the life of single Muslim Malaysian women in 21st century Malaysia. Our romantic lives are so comic that we deserve a show. Sex and the Muslimah. TV3, are you listening?
I’ve always said if I was demented enough to walk down the path of matrimony again, it would be like a bank ATM transaction: fast, convenient and flexible. And my friends and I agree: marrying a man who’s a Muslim is not enough.
A good number of my female Malay friends wear the hijab, and there are a few who have not taken to wearing it. Some of us are conservative in our views about Islam, while some are moderate. A few are liberal. We’re a mixed bag of personalities, but hey, we’re cute too. And in spite of the difference in clothing and opinions, we all agree that marrying a Muslim man will not guarantee you happiness on earth. In heaven, perhaps, if we’re lucky to get there, but in the meantime we have to contend with Malay men.
Of course, who does not want marriages like their parents’? Our parents, in spite of their personal ups and downs, are proof that the institution works.
Here’s the catch-22: no matter how crazy we are, we know that deep inside our hearts, it would be easier to marry a Malay-Muslim. “It’d be good to have someone recite the Al Fatihah when I or the children are ill,” a friend answered.
Then there are the cultural reasons, which even Muslims from other countries may find perplexing. Our Malaysian sense of humour. Balik kampung is within a country. We eat and like the same kinds of food.
Marrying a foreigner, be he Muslim or not, is not a bed of roses either. Conversion is not just a matter of changing faiths – he will be expected to uphold the rituals and customs of the Malays. There are also the obligatory family gatherings a couple is expected to go to, every other night. Fine, I’m exaggerating. Every other week.
Talk about double standards. I swear Malay men have this Hang Tuah complex: when they hear that their female friends are dating The Other, they’ll start lecturing her and making snide remarks, yeah right, Malay men not good enough for you? Do you know these men are not circumcised? They don’t wash after going to the toilet?
Then they start advising their friends to make sure the poor kafir becomes a good Muslim. All this even before the second date between the woman and her polka-dotted boyfriend. How can the goodness of a man be measured against a yardstick of faith and piety? Does this mean that if he’s not born a Malay or Muslim, he is bad? It’s odd and grating – when a Malay/Muslim man marries a woman out of his faith, it’s accepted. As the keeper of the faith, he is increasing the ummah. Go figure.
“Aiyoh,” we girls tell each other, “to be a single Malay (Muslim) woman is very susah lah.” Logistical problems, inter-faith issues, potential problems with burials – he wants his ashes to be thrown into the ocean and you want a proper Muslim burial. Remember the Moorthy case?
My friend David thought otherwise. “You shouldn’t view this negatively, you know! Think of it this way: if you marry The Other, you are increasing the number of ummah. If the Kelantan government can offer RM10,000 as incentive to men to convert and marry an orang asli woman ... wah! Maybe the Federal Government will give you RM50,000! With my Chinaman business smarts, and your Malay charm, we can take over the country!” he said.
“You do realise that if you marry me, you’d have to convert and cannot eat babi any more?” I said, raising an eyebrow.
“Aiyah, can can la ...” he said.
“Not only that, you’d have to be castrated, oops, I mean circumcised?”
“Hah? Hospital can do, right?”
“Ya can, but we Terengganu people are very traditional. Before you marry me, we’ll have you sit on a banana tree trunk in front of all my family while you have your privates chopped up.”
David sat up, stunned. “You are evil. EVIL.”
May the 14th of February be wonderful for you!
Dina Zaman is single and a commitment-phobe. But gifts and cards are always welcome.
Friday, February 02, 2007
B -E- E- N- A
Beena called yesterday. Hehehe, bila bersembang dengan dia mesti ada la yang kita org berebut-rebut nak menang bila bertekak. Bukannya bertekak yang marah-marah tu, bertekak masing-masing tak nak serender, naik riuh jadinya dan sampai abih la credit aku bila aku call dia plak. She's such a gem! Dia sibuk cakap muka dia nak masuk berita perdana nanti, hehehe. Jenuh la aku usik dia, pas tu dia kata aku tipu dia idop-idop! Lol, tergelak aku dibuatnya. Senang je dia percaya dgn apa yang aku cakap. Lagi satu, aku memang suka berdebat ngan dia, sebab macam kat dalam court tu. Berebut-rebut nak berhujah dan lepaih tu, dia panggil aku majistret. Last-last nanti mesti gelak beso. Hahahaha ... kepoh betui makcik tu.
Bila berkawan ni, macam-macam ragam. Aku pon banyak gak ragamnya. Bercakap pasal kawan ni kan, kita kena saling tolong menolong, sokong menyokong dan faham memahami. Bergurau tu memang la boleh, tapi kena tau gak jangan sampai menyakitkan hati kawan. Kena tahu bila kita diperlukan dan bila kita kena minggir-minggirkan diri. Beena ngan aku pernah gak bercakap pasal kawan ni, kawan-kawan kami di Penang. Bercakap sebab kenapa kami rapat dengan geng kami. Haih ... ada gak yang dah dekat nak abih blajo, si Deena, Ayu, Marini, Shahrin, Tan si ulat buku, Bella, Izzal, etc. Teringat lagi our rendezvous kat Gurney Plaza ngan kat Komtar. Ngan episod makan-makan nasi ayam yang sungguh kepoh di satu petang itu. How time flies ... Insyaallah, dipanjangkan umur dan dimurahkan rezeki, akan kita bertemu lagi. All the best guys.